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Actually I'm not just fine

  • Writer: michal grappe
    michal grappe
  • Sep 9, 2019
  • 2 min read

I start my day like most days. Taking my kids to school and then rushing to the gym for a class. This day, I was early to the gym. I was in the bathroom when someone I vaguely know came in. Our only connection being a town that is surrounded by dirt fields and family that has never left. She began with small talk and then asked me how I was feeling. I said, "fine", being trivialized by the question and sudden empathy in front of her friend...when my few previous experiences with her held no details of my life at all. She asked me again, almost insisting I give her a different answer.


I'm not completely sure, but I think she was referring to my condition 7 years ago. I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease of my nervous system. I was physically debilitated for years. Besides the pain, what I remember the most is how lonely that time in my life was. It seemed a handful of friends rallied behind me. But I genuinely grieved the loss of friendship along with the activity of my former life. I remember trying to get out of my house to do the normal life things. I remember feeling my legs move but my feet never hit the ground. I remember how unbearable the stares of strangers where but even more unbearable to cry in front of them. I remember the men in my family holding me up to walk those distances and being able to sort of hide behind their stature so as not witness people talking about the strange way that I now walked. I remember sitting down to eat at a restaurant and being so out of breath, hoping I wouldn't have to use the bathroom while I was there. It felt too vulnerable to walk past those people again. It felt impossible to walk that distance two more times.


I felt the cold water run on my hands as I decided how to answer her. Contemplating how far I have actually come, and how little I have actually ever talked about it. I decided that

" fine" was a sufficient answer again. I changed the subject and dried my hands. As I walked across the gym floor, I took in how strong I actually felt. I noted how much I love loading my legs up with weight and feeling the resistance of the floor beneath me. Something I thought of but never knew would be possible again. I remembered the mountain that I climbed to be there. Completely humbled by it, because it almost took me out. More than once it revealed its strength...and somehow I rose up stronger. At times crawling towards the summit, however slow...through gritted teeth and tears, it was forward.


You see...when a woman climbs a mountain, she doesn't just weather the elements, she doesn't just survive the terrain, she carves the mountain into a monument. Every tear...every drop of sweat...every ounce of blood shed outlines its form. Marring her soul so that it is something to marvel at, to encourage, to inspire strength in more women, and to remind herself how much she is actually capable of.

Actually I'm not just fine...I think that I am better than I was before it all happened.

4 Comments


IHazelqHarrietq
Apr 18

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IHazelqHarrietq
Apr 18

Why did link Patek have a nixie tube clock as the centerpiece of the client welcome area? Reardon asks. "What was the unusual stacked timekeeping system hidden behind the wall link that powered it? These questions led me down the rabbit hole of researching, collecting, and discovering this incredibly understudied link part of Patek Philippe history."

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IlonawYadidw
Apr 07

While a lot of brands retread their heritage – to the point where a major design change constitutes moving link around some dial text or enlarging the case size by a millimeter – NOMOS genuinely tries to push things forward. Check out that date ring around the circumference of the dial. NOMOS link says it's "reminiscent of a series of small metro train carriages" with the two neon link orange carriages framing the day of the month.

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WamanbYannickb
Apr 02

The pamphlet closes with an image of the enormous Omega link factory, subtitled by a production claim of 900 to 1000 watches per day (image 11). To tie in with the story, the publication also features full-color illustrations of the latest models (you can see an early wristwatch with a bracelet in image 10). Omega customers could have picked up this pamphlet at French department store Kirby, Beard link & Co., a major Omega link retailer at the time.

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